[WoW] Class Rivalries satire (long!)

[Magi]

I laughed really really hard. This is from the WoW general forums at https://forums.worldofwarcraft.com/t...&T=3929902&P=1 but since they wipe after a while I figure I'd better re-post so we don't lose it :P I have to agree with the points made about priests and paladins (although I have yet to play a paladin) as well as mages. Enjoy or hate as you will :D

Caydiem: Welcome to the first monthly CM meeting in the Moonglade! This is a special opportunity for the community to interact with the CMs on a personal level.
Rogue: First.
Mage: First!
Warrior: Fourth?
Hunter: Nerf Shamans!
Shaman: Shamans are fine! Learn to play your class!
Hunter: Funny how only Shamans ever say that...
Rogue: Your MOM knows how to play her class.
Warlock: Shouldn't you be off fixing classes instead of interacting with the community?
Eyonix: The first item on the list of topics is the subject of Mage Invisibility.
Mage: Yeah! Will we ever get that back?
Eyonix: During the beta, Mages used invisibility to suddenly blast players for thousands of damage with little or no warning. We felt this was overpowered and this is why we removed it before the game went live...
*Rogue's Ambush crits Mage for 2238*
*Mage is afflicted by Kidney Shot*
*Rogue's Backstab crits Mage for 1159*
*Mage Dies*
Eyonix: ...so we hope you will understand why Invisibility was removed from the game. Are there any more questions from the mages? Anyone? Alright, then, lets move on.
Caydiem: A new change being implemented in the next major patch is that Druid's shapeshifting will now clear all negative status effects, including magic, curse, bleed, poison, disease, snares, stuns, roots, itching, sneezing, coughing, runny nose, insomnia, hair loss, pimples, black plague, world hunger, polio, cancer, gangrene, the 80's, lice, ADHD, and mental retardation. However, it will not remove the daze effect because this would be overpowered.
Warlock: WTF, my class relies on debuffs to deal damage. How am I supposed to take druids now!?
Druid: Learn to play your class, noob.
Shaman: Hey, thats MY line!
Druid: Sorry.
Rogue: WTF, my class relies on ADHD to deal damage! How am I supposed to take Druids now?
Eyonix: Please keep in mind that WoW is not balanced around one on one PvP. The developers envision the Warlock as a class that is very powerful at losing in PvP, and very important for select encounters in Molten Core. For the most part, they are satisfied with your ability to fill this role.
Caydiem: In response to complaints about endgame viability of Druid's cat form, the attack power bonus is being increased from 120 to 125. The developers believe this will make the cat a more appealing choice for high level druids.
Rogue: WTF Blizzard? 5 more AP for Druids? Thats like .3 DPS! Are you trying to make Rogues even MORE useless in Molten Core?
Druid: Will we ever get a skill like the Priest's Fade, or an out of combat rez?
Priest: STFU Druid! You can have Fade when we get Innervate!
Rogue: Your MOM has Innervate!
Caydiem: The developers are happy with the Druid class's healing abilities as they are. There are no plans to implement Fade or an out of combat rez for Druids. As always, I will keep you informed if I recieve any new information.
Druid: Thanks Cay, You're the best!
Caydiem: Thanks guys! I try!
Fangtooth: Hold on a sec guys, let me change my forum sig real quick.
*Fangtooth has gone AFK*
Eyonix: Next up are Hunters
Caydiem: Hunters are at the top of the developer's list right now, even though we just talked about Mages and Druids first. Currently there are plans to make pets more diverse and useful in both PvP and PvE. The devs are also investigating the possibility of changing the way the dead zone works, but unfortunately I cannot give you any specifics. You can expect changes to your class to occur slowly over the next few patches, and to be outpaced by other class changes. However, rest assured the devs are not ignoring you.
Eyonix: Now to you, Fangtooth.
Fangtooth: ...
Eyonix: Fangtooth?
*Fangtooth is no longer AFK*
Fangtooth: Oops, sorry. I'm back. What classes do I represent again? Oh right, Paladins and Priests? I had Priests, right? "Represent" is a pretty weird word, don't you think?
Priest: A better word would be "neglect".
Fangtooth: Thanks for the correction guys! I'm new to this priest stuff. Right now I'm farming Blackfathom Deeps for my Illusionary Staff. Hey by the way can priests learn to use daggers? Where would I go to train that?
Priest: Um... right. Okay. We have some concerns... specifically that the Holy tree is not only monotonous, it's downright weak compared to the other two... and--
Fangtooth: I think Shadow is a great tree! I just got Mind Wave! Or was it Mind Stun?
Paladin Shadow priests own everything! Always! Nerf Shadow Priests!
Priest: You mean Mind Flay? Thats great Fang. So, about Psychic Scream... given that everyone seems to hate fear, including the developers, we aren't really comfortable having it as our only defensive spell that works in PvP. Can we maybe see some new options? Perhaps making Fade do something in PvP?
Fangtooth: The developers do not feel that giving everyone a trinket that instantly breaks fear is going to have a significant impact on the classes that rely on fear to survive. Remember, if you are getting attacked, you can always use fear and send everyone running!
Priest: You just disproved your own point! That was at least six logical fallacies!
Fangtooth: I think its time to change my sig again.
Priest: Do you plan on fixing the Vampiric Embrace bug?
Eyonix: Bug? I don't know of any bug. Did you report it?
Priest: I paged a GM...
Eyonix: Haha, thats not how you report a bug!
Fangtooth: Where have you BEEN, man?
Priest: I'm sorry?
Eyonix: The proper way to report a bug is to figure out a way to exploit it, and use it to your advantage. As soon as someone reports the exploit, it'l be hotfixed within 24 hours.
Priest: Oh... I see. But... how can I exploit the fact that Vampiric Embrace is healing less than it is supposed to?
Fangtooth: ... so the other day I dueled this hunter two levels above me with my Priest... I was like, "mrglglglgahhh" and he was like "whoooa" and I was like "SMITE!" and he was like "WING CLIP" and I was like "Healing Wave!" and he was like "ARROWED!" and then I was like "LEEEeeeeRoyyyyYY!"
Everyone: That's not funny anymore.
Eyonix: Props for creative use of capital letters though...
Fangtooth: Thanks Eyo, you get PW:F!
Fangtooth: Anyway, In response to the fact that the Holy tree is worthless, we're going to make Holy Nova have a 60 second cooldown instead of 5 seconds. No wait, just kidding, 30 seconds. And now instead of reducing aggro, it just doesn't generate any. I think that's what they told me to tell you. I hope this addresses your concerns. Now I will ignore your class forum for the next 9 weeks. Goodbye!
Priest: Bummer. Guess I'll be speccing shadow.
Warrior: Idiot! Your job is to heal! All priests should go Holy from day one!
Priest: Yeah, sortof like all warriors go Protection since your job is tanking. Oh, wait...
Fangtooth: What does PW:F stand for?
Warrior: I'm Arms/Fury!
Priest: Who'd have guessed?
Fangtooth: I love my job!
Mage: Nerf Dispel Magic!
Priest: Oh, shut up. You got Mage Armor.
Mage: Which is dispellable!
Rogue: Your MOM is dispellable.
Priest: We ask Fangtooth for mana regeneration so we can use spirit, our main stat... and what happens? Next patch, they give Mage Armor. To Mages.
Paladin: Hey, Priest. These forums aren't about sound reasoning or logical posts. Its just about who can shout the loudest!
Warrior: Yeah, that worked for us!
Mage: We needed Mage Armor! Aside from Conjure Water, Arcane Meditation, Evocation, and Mana Gems, our class has NO WAY to regenerate mana!
Priest: Boy, sounds like its a hard knock life for Mages when it comes to mana.
Fangtooth: I think I'm supposed to be representing some other class too, right? Was it Shamans?
Eyonix: No Fang, I got Shamans. Remember when the CM's played Rock Paper Scissors and you lost? Thats why you have to represent Paladins.
Fangtooth: That wasn't fair though! You Earth Shocked me in the middle of the game! I meant to do scissors!
Eyonix: Earth Shock is fair and you know it! Besides, it has a cooldown, so that makes it fair.
Caydiem: Yeah, Eyonix totally ninja looted the shaman class. It was "N" for all the CMs, but he ninja'd them and hearthed. Greedy *%&@#. Now we don't let him in the office Baron raids anymore. Hey... speaking of which... anyone want to help kill Rivendare? Full on rogues and pallies! Healers needed!
Priest: I already have four Devout Skirts with various libram enchants...